so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
