my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
