Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
