you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
