I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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