i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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