i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
