he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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