Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
