How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize