i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
