Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
