the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
