I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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