after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need a burrito and a hug.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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