Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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