May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
