Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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