Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
