2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
either way he was missing a nipple.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
