Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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