haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
this hospital has no fireball
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize