I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
