The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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