honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize