woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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