I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
