like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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