one two three fourrrrnication!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
