What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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