there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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