He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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