You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
