I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
