Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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