you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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