I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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