D3 body, D1 cock
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
