There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
