giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
