I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize