hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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