Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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