where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize