you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
