My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Even my vagina gasped.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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