Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
