Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
