There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize