Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
