I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
