Screwed.edu
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
