I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize