Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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