I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize