he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
