She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize