They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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