need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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