I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
