woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Michael Bay diarrhea
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
