when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
