the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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