they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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