I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
