why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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