I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
