I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
