Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think people are normalizing furries
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
