I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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