Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
