all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
