i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
