you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize