Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
