Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
