we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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