i just had sex bonerless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
