"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Even my vagina gasped.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize