i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
