i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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