at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
