I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
